|
|||||||||
|
Chessville
Advertise to Single insert:
|
Kelly's Quotes Humor Anthologized by Kelly Atkins
Combinations that go wrong are like dating a transvestite. Just when you start liking what you see, you suddenly realize “This is gonna hurt.” – Kelly Atkins I don’t allow takebacks; get a better mouse or a better brain. – Pablo Sierra The money and the women. – Jeremy Silman (when asked what had attracted him to chess) Just ignore my girlfriend sitting behind me in the gallery. She's the one in the front chair with the tight semi-transparent halter-top, in the micro-mini skirt. – Walter Browne The reason they call it chess, is that all the four-letter words were taken. – Source Unknown Rapid transit is a series of ten second gongs, mixed with fights about whether or not you had exceeded the time limit. – Bruce Kover Most arguments about chess consist very largely of one person arguing that all the other participants in the discussion are jackasses. He usually proves it, and he also usually proves that he is one himself. – Adapted from H. L. Mencken I once heard of a murderer who propped his two victims up against a chessboard in sporting attitudes and was able to get as far as Seattle before his crime was discovered. – Robert Benchley His draw ratio in classical games made Tigran Petrosian look like Attila the Hun. – Mig Greengard (on Leko) I drink, I smoke, I gamble, I chase girls - but postal chess is one vice I don't have. – Mikhail Tal A bad day at chess is better than any good day of chasing some silly little dimpled ball all over somebody's cow pasture. – White The worst thing a wife can do is learn how to play the game herself. First, she will want to accompany her husband to chess tournaments. Then she will play the chess computer. Soon she will prove to be too much competition and may beat her husband in an off-hand game. That does it. It is time to give up chess, sell or give away his chess books, and take up golf. – Bill Wall The wife of an addicted chessplayer is a lonely creature who must put up with her husband’s obsession with chess. The chessplayer’s widow sees her husband as a vague person who is more interested in a checkmate than his own mate. He is studying his board; she is bored of his studying. He is thinking of knight moves; she is thinking of the nightlife; he is looking for mate in one; she is looking for one to mate. – Bill Wall The chessplayer’s widow probably suffers more if her husband has won. He brings home a small trophy and already spent his prize money by taking all his chess friends to a pizza house. The wife must listen with interest as he gives her a move-by-move description in detail with added explanations of how brilliant each move was, including all variations. The wife must follow her chess-playing husband from room to room, so as not to escape a single move of a particular game, or else suffer the consequences of him setting up the pieces all over again and starting over from move one. – Bill Wall According to Nigel “Romeo” Short, this move is more solid than 15…b5, which he describes as being similar to a playboy’s concept of marriage: ‘too committal’. – D. Ebrahim Al Mannai Short was struttin’ his hot stuff with some of the attractive ladies in attendance. They somehow managed to resist his studly hands-in-pockets-with-shoulders-hunched in mating stance as he worked his mojo. – D. Ebrahim Al Mannai (on Nigel Short in attendance at the pre-match festivities for the Kramnik-Deep Fritz match in Bahrain) Do not be alarmed about the state of your adversary's health, when, after losing two or three games, he complains of having a bad headache, or of feeling very unwell. If he should win the next game, you will probably hear no more of this. – Richard Penn Once while walking over Waterloo Bridge, in London, with stout-hearted Teichmann, we conversed of the ingredients that associate to make a chess player. I ventured a remark that, if he would name one indispensable ingredient, I would name an able player wholly destitute of it. And Richard very tolerantly said, "Have you given any thought to vanity'?" – William Napier I would probably have taken cyanide that night, had I been a few years younger. – Edward Lasker (on losing a won game to Janowski, New York 1924) Tartakower was once playing in a tournament on a very hot day. He called for a glass of iced water. The waiter prepared him a drink with lavish care, squeezing out fresh oranges. He brought it to the table where Tartakower was deep in thought. Without looking at it, Tartakower picked up the glass and poured the contents over his head. – Source Unknown
|
The Chessville
The
|
|||||||
|
|||||||||
